I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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