Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come see our sink grown plant.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
