you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I forget how to act sober
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
