he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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