I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
