i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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