last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
