I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
