The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
