We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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