i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
