What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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