I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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