Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
