Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
