is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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