He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
