i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
