I like my sex mixed with concussions.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
