so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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