Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
