Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
