Can i not drive my cunt home
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
