I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
