you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
