ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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