Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
