so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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