There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
