i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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