he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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