Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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