I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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