the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
