Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
