i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
