if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
