also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
