I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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