I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
