In the future we'll all be gay
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
