The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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