giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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