Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
