Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
