i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
