the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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