we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
