come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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