i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
