i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
