i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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