Im at strip club and am horny
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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