I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
