you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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